I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
