I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
