she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
