"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
