I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
