The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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