First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
