Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
