He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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