party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
