Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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