I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just found a bag of teeth...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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