omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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