I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
