wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
