I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
