Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
