Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
