I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
