I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
