I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
