I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is my gift to your gina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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