There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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