We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
