Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
