somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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