if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
