mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
