Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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