Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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