I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
