I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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