If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
