I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My vagina is officially offended.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
