You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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