i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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