I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
