mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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