i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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