u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My vagina is very pro this idea
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