my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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