Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
