i was born a porn star she said
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
