as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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