Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
