he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I look better un-naked...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
