I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
