planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
