Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
