One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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