Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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