That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
