Just fell off a train. Bad.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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