fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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