I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
