we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
