I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
